A Few Things I Have Learned

I wanted to share a few things I learned while on the weekend get-away. For those of you that know me well, and maybe don't even know me that well, know that my romantic life has been somewhat of a roller coaster. For my mother it has been a test of her love and patience (and maybe her sanity-for that I truly apologize). As a single parent I struggle with what direction and path to follow. I want and believe I am there for my children but I feel there is something missing, not just for me but for them.

Anyway, over the last few months I have begun to care for a beautiful, caring, quiet, and patient man. His desire is to care for me, my children and share the joy of bringing his two adopted children over from Fiji and welcome new spirits into the world. He loves the Lord. Each night we read from the Book of Mormon together and I am amazed at his knowledge and strength in the Gospel. While all this is happening I have been more resistant than in the past, and he is the good guy I have wanted all along. So as I contemplate sharing not only my life but the lives of my children with this man I try to take a step back and look at the big picture. This trip taught me alot.

1. PEACE I operate a little bit on the scattered, neurotic, frazzled side. Betz is relaxed, easy going and patient. Typically when I am doing things I feel absent minded, as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman, I think I am a "fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl." Having said that, Abete brings me peace and balance. Having him near me makes me calm and I feel maybe a little more "normal" and capable.
2. NO WINNERS/LOSERS Strange as it may sound, I do not like to lose. True I will admit when I am wrong but I don't like that to happen very often, who does. (Which my Taron reminded me of one day when I said he was wrong and later had to admit he was right and he said, "Wow, Mom, that never happens.") While on this trip, Abete and I started quarrelling over what I can't remember. As I am sure I was wanting t be right, Betz calmly said, "You know what this is right?" In my mind I thought, "You being stubborn not wanting to lose to a girl." I held my tongue and said, "What?" His calm response was, "Satan wanting to come between us because he knows we are wanting to serve Heavenly Father." This was powerful to me. I come from a family of loud talkers (notice I did not say fighters). With Betz's comment I was satisfied to cease and be happy again. He knew this was not us. This was Satan's power. I did not have to claim a win, nor admit defeat. Sadly this is very unusual for me.
3. AWARE Through the weekend Betz spent time getting reacquainted with friends and family that he may only see once a year, if that. I understood he would not be right by my side the entire weekend. Between games he sat in circles with men as they told stories and shared laughs. I spent time with the other "wives" and my cousin Sandy. I would look up and see Betz looking over at me. I could sense his desire to support me, have me there, but be able to share time with his people. Even when I didn't know he was watching, he knew where I was and kept an eye on the kids and myself. He left his friends to visit with me and I believe in his way reassure me that I was who he was there with and for. I never felt ignored or alone.
4. LOVE OF CHILDREN Abete has always shown a deep love and concern for my three children. But he showed me genuinely cares for all children when he was in agonizing pain from his dislocated shoulder and still asked me to watch out for Sandy's baby. She was asleep in the stroller next to her mother when the teams playing on the field came into the audience just inches from Sandy. I ran over to check on her and the baby and both were untouched, baby still asleep. I went back to Betz to assist with bandaging his arm when I could sense a deep concern coming from him. I assumed it was for his status but he looked at me and with the kindest voice asked me to tell Sandy he was worried the baby may get injured and move her a few feet back. Even though my first thought was Sandy knows how to care for her baby, I passed along the message because he was truly concerned.
5. PATIENCE I always thought Betz was patient. The true test is sticking him in the car for 12 hours with three children. We had to pull over every 45 minutes (not kidding) for bathroom breaks. I thought we would never get to Portland and then feared we would never make it home. While I believed I was losing my mind, Betz just planned for it and anticipated each stop and pulled over even before we had little bodies in the back requesting an immediate pull over.
6. BEAUTY He makes me feel beautiful. I still have my moments of disbelief, but Betz truly makes me feel like, as he calls me his "Mexican Queen". I am the most beautiful women in the world to him and he somehow makes me feel that way. The way he looks at me. The way he doesn't look at me. The way he talks to me. The way he brings me flowers every time we see each other after being apart.
7. SAVIOR Most of our discussions always come back to our desire to serve our Heavenly Father. I have never had that. Each night he calls to have prayer with us. We read the scriptures daily together. He is an example of Christ. At the Rugby games when fights broke out, he was not once in the middle of it. You only saw him pulling people apart, talking to the ref's and calming him team mates. He is a true peacemaker and example of our Savior.

This was more than a trip to Portland. I learned many things about the man I am falling in love with. (Unfortunately I always fear what he is learning about me.) I still can not change the past nor predict the future. As a previous post discussed, we are still dancing and I am sure loving the time I am on the dance floor. The dances and music are at times new to me but I have a great partner that is willing to teach me and show me the steps. There is a vast amount I have to learn. As I like to say

CARPE DIEM