Each year I look forward to pulling out the Christmas decorations just after Thanksgiving. I start playing holiday music the beginning of November. You can't say I don't try to extend the season as much as possible. Yet, once December 26 hits, I am ready for the boxes to come back out and the decorations to come down. Maybe with all the new items being brought into my home I have the desire to purge the old. This year I waited out the weekend so that Abete didn't have to spend his few days off, packing up decorations and cleaning out closets. But this morning, with him gone and the four extra children back to their own houses after a little sleep over, I am ready to dejunk.
I started in my room (this I have actually been working on or a few weeks). The idea of this man moving in with me in two weeks has me a little frazzled. Where will we put his stuff?? How have I ever shared a closet? Better yet, where am I going to put my stuff? How do I turn it from my home to our home and my room to our room? My desire is for Abete to come home to a place that feels like his own. I know how it feels to live in a place but only really be a visitor. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. I am looking for a way to mix both our rich cultures into the decorating. Ok, is Texan a culture??
The boys are busily working on organizing their room while I frequently venture downstairs to keep them on task. They are good kids but left unattended. . .well let's just say, not a good idea. Belle is visiting with her imaginary friends in her room. For a while, I am enjoying the quiet.
We officially have 12 days until the wedding. I love this man. I adore him and the way he treats me. He makes me laugh a hundred times a day with his quick wit and our cultural exchanges. Last night he played Keaton's guitar for me and my mom and I just kept thinking, "That beautiful man belongs to me." (spoken in a question and a statement ) I sang as he played and I had this overwhelming feeling of love for him. I felt true partnership and balance. The thing is, I am not afraid of loving him. I am afraid of marriage. I can be a mother. I can handle being on my own when he is working out of town. I don't know how to rely on someone. How do you take two people with completely different backgrounds, ideas and expectations and make a mutually beneficial lasting relationship where both feel fulfilled and have their needs met? I pray to my Father in Heaven that he will direct me as Abete and I start this journey together. I pray for guidance. I pray for understanding. I pray to think before I lash out with my words. Even now, as my mind is all a jumble with worries and fears, my heart is at Peace. I am calm when I think of Abete and I joining before family and friends and embarking down this path together. Peace fills my soul when we read our scriptures and close each night in prayer together. So, I am trusting my Father in Heaven knows what is best for me and has a plan for us all.
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