This last Sunday the kids and I (minus Taron) attended our new ward. As far as first days go, they were warm, welcoming and genuine. It wasn’t until the last meeting, Relief Society, that I started to wonder a few things. As I sat in the back, only to keep Olaya occupied and out of the way, I looked around the room at the faces of women I do not know. There was no Avril, my work out buddy and so very much more. There was no Sarah, my children’s second mother and my angel. There was no Carrie, a friend that prints articles from lds.org as she reads them and thinks they would strengthen me. There was no Cheryl, my sister, my friend, my confidant. There was no Kellie, my friend and lunch pal. There was no Clydene, my seamstress that sews only with love and special caretaker of my heart. There was no Paula, my rough around the edges friend that rescued me through our shared love of music. There was no Julia, a true friend willing to spend her day waiting for me at the airport. There was no Corrine, a kindred soul with shared experiences that chased after me when I just couldn’t handle another moment of church with four kids on my own. There was no Janet, a beautiful friend I wish I knew better that put her arms around me in her actions and deeds. And so many others that were not there.
What I saw . . . a room full of questions. Will I ever wrap my arms around any of these women? Who will I lean on when I can’t find the strength to go on? Who will turn to me and see a mountain of strength and ask me to buoy them in their moment of sorrow? Who will I learn from? Who will I share tears, laughs, recipes and secrets with? Will I find a sister in this room? Will they love me? Will I love them?
While I know one day my new ward will feel like home . . . Sunday I was missing my ward family . . . my ward sisters . . . that I have grown to love.
3 comments:
Dear Tara,
You DO have a gift of writing. That was me 2 years ago... So many friends i left just across town, yet I was a whole world away in a new ward. Your thoughts touched my heart. I keep praying and reminding myself that Heavenly Father needs me here, for me, and for someone else... and He knows where I am...
He knows where you are and what you need... Keep Praying! Lots of Love!
My sister, I know it is hard, change isn't always welcomed into our lives. You can do it. Just show that gorgeous smile and take the initiative to introduce yourself to someone and sit beside that sister. I too still miss you. Love you.
what a gift you have with words. I think we have all been in this situation. I was just in it 9 months ago.
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