Runaway Day

After church yesterday Belle started telling me that in primary they are practicing Father's Day songs.  From the tone in her voice and the way she was slow with her words, I knew something was weighing heavy on her mind.  I knew before she had to say the words.  My heart started tingling....not the good tingle.  It is the bad tingle. 

I didn't want her to have to say it but I know my precious Belle needs to articulate her thoughts to work through them.  If she carries to much inside she will  have a melt down .....and those are never pretty to witness.

She said to me, "Mom the words to the song say "my father's good to me".  But I don't want to sing it because my dad left me and he isn't good to me." 

All that was in me wanted to rage and cry and lash out at the man that has basically abandoned his daughters.  The most primal parts of me justed wanted to consume my girl and take away all her pain.  Shelter her from sorrow.  Run away with her.  I wish my arms were magic.  I would hold her close and never let go.

As calmly as I could, and with a crack in my voice, I told my beautiful child that while her father is not making the best choices right now, he loves both his girls very much.  I also told her that I know it hurts.  And any time she feels sad or hurt that she can come to me.  I told her that I love her.  Heavenly Father loves her.  Her grandpa loves her and all her uncles.  I said there are lots of fathers that love her.  But I also said that if the primary sings those songs in sacrament, we will be sure to go on a little mini vacation that weekend.  I don't know if that is the right thing to do. But the mother bear in me wants to do anything to protect my cub from pain.  Singing Father's Day songs standing next to other kids that have dads watching and to a "man" that is not and may never be there, just doesn't sound healthy to me.  Taking off and going to Lagoon for the weekend sounds better.

For some things, running away just may be the answer.