Bittersweet

A couple weeks ago Taron was preparing to leave Friday night on a scout over nighter.  The leaders had told him to meet at the church at 5 o’clock.  This just so happens to be the same time I get off work.  This momma wasn’t happy for him to be gone before I had a chance to send him off with a goodbye and helping him prepare everything for his trip.

 

At 2 o’clock I left work early.  I purchased Taron a few necessary items for his trip…..awesome mummy bag, flashlights, packed dinner for the first night.  When he arrived home from school I was in the kitchen getting everything ready.  Taron burst through the front door saying, “Mom, are you here?”

 

When he saw me he ran up to me, gave me a bear hug and said, “Mom, I love coming home and seeing that you are here.  It is great to have you home when I get here.”

 

Oh Taron.  My precious first born.  While my strongest desire is to be here with you, for now I am in a position where I have to work outside the home to support our family.  I hope you know everything I do if for you and your brother and sisters.

 

When I heard his words I experienced two very distinct emotions.  First, complete joy. The joy that comes from innocence, purity and everything in this world that is good.  Second, heartache.  The pain that comes from knowing I am doing my absolute best and no matter how hard I push, I can not be where my heart wants me to be for my children.

 

I chose to focus on the joy.  Savor the moment I had with Taron.  Prepare him for his overnighter.  Be happy to watch him as he grows and experiences new adventures.  Cherish and by cherish I mean suck the marrow from every moment I have building a relationship and making memories with my young man.

 

Thank you Taron for teaching me about true sacrifice, joy and love.